Singing the Clerk's Office Blues

Witnesses are not the only people that criminal defense investigators aim to befriend and cajole. We also set our sights on the court clerks of the world.

County clerks are typically women, so this is perhaps the one area of the profession where I have seen male investigators have an edge over us gals. I can not tell you how many times the following has happened: I am in the clerk's office being psychologically abused and brainstorming how to overcome a certain female clerk's attitude, when a male investigator strolls in the clerk's office and sweeps said clerk off her feet.

Some clerks are wonderful people, easy to get along with and naturally helpful --no need to kiss their butt. But others can test your patience with arbitrary rules ("I'm sorry, but you can only view three files per day" or "you can only make 10 copies otherwise we will mail them out to you in two weeks"). And your pleas such as, "but our trial starts next week" or "I drove two hours just to look at this file" are met with cold, unsympathetic eyes. Unlike the general public, who after waiting around for an hour to be helped, can shout obscenities and leave, we criminal defense investigator have to hang in there with a smile on our face. We are totally at the clerk's mercy. We need them and they know it.

My favorite criminal court clerk was named Matt. He fulfilled his duties with heart and humor. He had personalized all the signs around the office (like "warrants here") with pictures of Bart Simpson done in his own (Asian) likeness. He was a great resource for me for a long time, until he was- predictably -scooped up by a lucky judge and transferred to a court room. Proving once again that all good things eventually come to an end. The good news is that usually with time you can break through even the gruffest of clerks. But until then, it's frustrating. Especially when dreaded microfilm is in any way involved.