Anita's Index

Longest number of hours spent interviewing a witness: 8.5

Number of hours spent sitting down without getting up, during said interview: 8.5

Number of times I've used a witness' bathroom: 1

Percentage of each day spent driving across town with a full bladder in order to reach a relatively safe bathroom: 5

Number of times I've had to relieve myself somewhere that was not technically a restroom: 1 (this is the one area of private investigation where being a guy would be so much easier)

Number of times I have followed an unfaithful spouse: 0

Number of times per interview I typically repeat to witnesses that I work for the defense: 4

Percentage of witnesses who still think I work for the District Attorney even after repeated corrections: 20

Chances that address for witness listed on police report is no good: 1 in 3

Ratio of yards with cyclone fencing without agressive dog versus cyclone fenced yard containing agressive dog: 4:3

Number of witnesses who were a no show in court, even though I personally served them with a subpoena: 7

Percentage of witnesses who, when first approached, say they don't want to talk: 20

Percentage of witnesses who end up talking anyway: 99.9

Percentage of clients who imo (after investigation) did not do the crime as charged with: 35

Percentage of clients who imo (after investigation) did not commit a crime: 5 private sector, 10 public sector

Thanks to Harper's Mag for the inspiration on this one. www.harper.org